Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) affects people of all sexual orientations, gender identities and expressions.
Key things to know
If you are experiencing abuse or IPV:
- We can help you talk things through at your own pace and on your own terms.
- We won’t force you to discuss anything that you’re not comfortable with.
- We’ll never take any action against your partner unless you want us to (or unless you are in serious immediate danger).
Our services have been designed to provide a safe, confidential environment where you can talk openly without judgement. If you have any concerns regarding your relationship or just need to talk, you can get in touch with us for advice and support.
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What is Intimate Partner Violence?
Intimate partner violence, or IPV, refers to a pattern of behaviours by a person in order to exert power and control over their partner, or ex-partner. IPV can:
- Take many forms, including emotional, mental, physical, sexual and financial.
- Include a wide range of relationship types, whether monogamous, open, polyamorous, dating, hook ups or friends with benefits.
- Occur regardless of whether the partners are, or were, living together, or not.
The term Intimate Partner Violence is often used interchangeably with the more common term domestic violence. On this page, we use the term IPV as it refers specifically to acts of violence that occur between current or former partners.
While the definition of domestic violence does include IPV, it can also refer to intergenerational violence within a family or household (e.g. involving children, parents or others in a family unit).
How do I spot IPV?
Intimate partner violence is not always easy to spot as it is happening and many people who have experienced it report that the signs were only obvious in hindsight.
One reason abuse can be difficult to spot is that it will often begin with subtle acts that could be dismissed as ‘minor’, before escalating in severity over time. For example, people who have experienced physical and sexual abuse will often report earlier examples of verbal and emotional abuse that were not acted on.
Below we’ve given some examples of different signs of IPV to watch out for.
Does your partner ever:
- Mock or verbally abuse you?
- Check your emails or phone messages?
- Get jealous when you’re with other people?
- Try to influence where you go and who you see?
- Try to persuade you that you’re wrong or at fault when you’re not (often referred to as gaslighting)?
- Accuse you of being paranoid?
- Use emotional blackmail? e.g. threaten to leave you if you don’t do as they ask
Does your partner ever:
- Act aggressively when challenged on their behaviour?
- Violently attack you, or threaten to do so?
- Intentionally damage your property?
Does your partner ever:
- Ignore or belittle your sexual boundaries?
- Pressure you into having sex when you don’t want to?
- Pressure you to have sex you’re not comfortable with, or don’t enjoy?
- Remove their condom without consent during sex (stealthing)?
Does your partner ever:
- Regularly ask to borrow money without paying it back?
- Try to limit your access to your money?
- Require you to justify purchases?
- Hide their own income from you?
- Treat your home like their own, without discussing it with you?
What are the impacts of IPV?
Intimate Partner Violence is associated with various short and long-term health and wellbeing impacts. People who have experienced IPV will often report experiencing:
- Low confidence and self-esteem,
- Sense of shame and victim blaming,
- Withdrawing and isolation from friends and family,
- Depression, anxiety and eating disorders,
- Self-harm and suicide ideation.
- Loss of trust and intimacy in relationships,
- Increased risk taking in relation to their sexual health.
- Negative body image,
- Impact of physical injuries from abuse (which can trigger painful memories),
- Loss of personal sense of safety and security.
IPV and same sex relationships
Within same sex relationships, many underlying factors of IPV link back to societal issues around LGBTQ+ identities.
Research has found some common relationship factors underpinning IPV in same sex relationships:
- Limited sexual health education around LGBTQ+ identities, means there is a lack of knowledge about what healthy same-sex relationships look like.
- Limited education about the sex that gay and bisexual men have has led to stereotypes where objectification and rough treatment are normalised – this can also spill over into other aspects of relationships, with a dominant and submissive partner.
- The declining role of the gay scene and the rise of apps limits opportunities for friendships and sharing of experiences with peers.
- The loneliness of growing up LGBTQ+ in a heteronormative world leads people to stay in harmful relationships, ignoring warning signs of IPV to stay with a partner.
Getting support
If you are experiencing IPV, or suspect that someone you know is, we can help you talk things through at your own pace and on your own terms. At Waverley Care, we want you to know that we’re here, and that we’ll work with you to ensure that you feel able to access the correct support.
We won’t force you to discuss anything that you’re not comfortable with, and we’ll never take any action against your partner unless you want us to (or unless you are in serious immediate danger). If you want to talk, fill out our confidential self-referral form, and one of the team will get in touch with you.
Alongside support from Waverley Care, you may find the following information useful:
You can report IPV directly to Police Scotland, or through a third party reporting centre. In an emergency always call 999.
Alternatively, if you are unsure, you can discuss it with us first. Click here to contact us.
If you have been raped or sexually assaulted, it is completely understandable if you don’t know where to turn. SARCS is a dedicated NHS service that can offer healthcare and support in the days after an assault, particularly if you’re not ready, or unsure whether to go to the police.
If you want to self-refer to SARCS, you can call the service 24 hours a day, 7 days a week on 0800 148 88 88. If you have reported a rape or sexual assault to the Police, they can also refer you to SARCS for support.
For more information, you can read about SARCS on our sexual assault and rape page.
Intimate Partner Violence can happen to anyone.
If you are looking for support and advice about your relationship, or just need to talk, we are here to help. Get in touch by filling out our contact form.
