Good Sex Guide

Talking about sex can feel a little awkward, but it is normal and healthy.

• Whether it’s in person or online, talking about turn ons and turn offs with potential partners can help you to have more pleasurable sex.
• Listening to and respecting your partner’s sexual preferences means that everyone is on the same page.
• Communicating during sex can help you get more of what you like, and less of what you don’t.

Consent is fundamental to pleasurable sex, and it’s something we need to talk about more often.

• Consent can be verbal or non-verbal.
• Consent for one thing doesn’t mean consent for everything.
• Consent can be withdrawn at any time, even after sex has started.
• You should never feel pressured into doing something you’re not comfortable with.
• If you have been a victim of sexual assault it is never your fault, and support is available to help you report it.

• Used properly, condoms and lube are a great protection against HIV and other STIs.
• There’s a huge variety of styles of condom available to suit all shapes and sizes and finding the right fit can enhance the sex you have.
• Condoms aren’t for everyone – and that should be part of the conversations we have around sex.
• If someone consents on the basis that you’ll use condoms, they should be used throughout.
• If you are at risk of HIV, PrEP could be an option for you.
• Regular testing can help you feel more in control of your sexual health.

Sex toys are a great way to tap into new forms of pleasure.  

• If your partner/s want to use a toy during sex, it doesn’t mean they’re unsatisfied with you, it’s just another way to intensify the experience so that you both have a fun time.  
• Sex toys can include things such as vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, strokers, massagers and other toys, which can make masturbation or sex a more pleasurable experience.  
• Sex toys are also a great way to build up your orgasm, to make it a more intense experience. 

Masturbating or wanking is completely natural and something that many people do.   

Whether on your own, with a partner, or in a group, wanking can be lots of fun and it’s a totally normal and healthy part of people’s sex lives.  It can be great on its own, or as part of foreplay with your partners.

Masturbating is a great way to get to know what feels good and turns you and your partners on, and there are lots of ways to help enhance the pleasure.  

• Using lube – a little lube on your hand can help make wanking more pleasurable. It can also make things more comfortable if you or your partners have been circumcised (cut).   
• Beyond the penis – masturbation can let you explore your body and learn about your turn ons. Playing with your anus or tickling the skin behind your balls (perineum) can feel great. 
• Edging – when you or your partner are close to orgasm, take a pause, wait for the sensation to pass, and start again to build intensity.  
• Frottage – Some men enjoy rubbing their cocks against their partner/s, stopping before penetration. This is known as outsex or frottage, and can be really intimate.  

Oral sex, blowjobs, head or sucking is one of the most common types of sex men have.  

It is a great way to stimulate the penis, testicles or other parts of the genitals. Talking to your partners and exploring different techniques can help you understand what you enjoy and what you don’t.  Here are some tips to having pleasurable oral sex.  

• Take it slowly and relax – there’s no need to rush – build up the intensity by kissing your partner all over their body.  
• Know your body – different parts of the penis have different sensitivities. Try using your tongue to stimulate the frenulum (banjo-string) or corona (ridge). If your partner is cut(circumcised), the scar line can be sensitive too.   
• Listen to each other – When your partner does something you like, let them know. Listen to them too, and act on what’s working for them.  
• Breathe – Take a deep breath before you take the cock in your mouth as this can increase capacity.  
• Know the risk: Oral sex carries a low risk of transmitting HIV, but there is a risk of transmitting other STIs. Using condoms or dental dams can prevent the spread of STIs during oral sex, but many people prefer not to use them. Either way, regular testing is a great way to stay in control of your sexual health. For further information on STIs, click this link here  

Rimming is licking in or around your partner’s rectum. 

• Rimming can feel really good for all partners involved, as it is a really sensitive area 
• It can be great to do on its own, with oral sex or as foreplay. 
• Some people can worry about the taste or small when rimming as well as it being clean, which is understandable  
• However, unless you have recently pooed or need to poo, there shouldn’t be any around the area. 
• You might still want to give it a wipe with some warm water and that can make you feel a little cleaner.  
• Know the risk: Rimming carries a low risk of transmitting HIV, but there is a risk of transmitting other STIs. Using dental dams can prevent the spread of STIs during rimming, but many people prefer not to use them. Either way, regular testing is a great way to stay in control of your sexual health. For further information on STIs, click this link here  

When people talk about sex between men, they’ll often automatically think of anal sex. 

While there’s lots more to ‘gay sex’ than anal, it is something many men want to explore.

We get lots of questions about anal sex, particularly from men who are maybe new to it or less experienced – and talking about it can definitely help build confidence.  

Whether or not you’re into anal sex, or whether you prefer to be a top, bottom or vers, has nothing to do with how masculine you are, or whether you ‘measure up’ to preconceived ideas about your sexuality – it’s simply a matter of what gives you and your partners pleasure.  

If anal sex is something you’re in to, here are a few points to help get you started:  

• Take your time – You’re more likely to feel sore if you’re rushing. Anal sex is best when you’re relaxed.  
• Warming up – Some men find fingering or rimming helpful to make them more comfortable and relaxed ahead of sex.  
• Using lube –Take time to apply plenty of lube to the outside of the penis, and to the outside and inside of your partner’s rectum. Apply more if needed during sex.  
• What to expect – It is normal to notice a little bit of blood, especially if you’re new to it, but it’s pretty hard to damage the inside of your rectum. After you’re finished, your sphincter will go back to its normal position.   
• Know the risk– Unprotected anal sex carries a high risk of HIV and STIs. To reduce the risk of HIV or STIs, remember to use a combination of safer sex strategies such as condoms, lube and PrEP. For more information visit this link here. 

If it’s your first time having anal sex, or you’re not very experienced, you might have a few worries which is completely normal. You should discuss this with your partners. If you’re new to anal, you might find the following approach useful. 

• Being on top of your partner can help you feel more in charge of how deep and fast to go as well as the angle the penis or toy goes in. 
• If you are on the bottom, and you feel uncomfortable with the pressure, tell your partner to ease off slightly so that they’re applying as much pressure as they can without it being too painful. 
• Wait! After about 20-30 seconds of keeping this pressure on your anus, the muscles in your sphincter will relax.  
• You should then suddenly feel the penis slide into you. If you’re finding it difficult or painful, apply more lube, and try pushing out a little (like you do when you go to the toilet) as they’re trying to enter you. It will make it easier and more comfortable.  
• Once the penis is inside you, stay still and give yourself a few seconds to get used to how it feels. It’s normal to have the feeling of needing the toilet or feeling full, this should ease after a couple of seconds. 
• Now try gently moving up or down on their penis. Once you’re feeling confident and comfortable, you can experiment with other positions. The more you practice, the easier you’ll find it.  

Some people may decide they want to douche to make them more comfortable. However, douching is not necessary to have anal sex.  

• If you have a fibrous diet and drink plenty of water, there is normally only poo in the rectum if you need to go to the toilet. 
• Douching can irritate the lining of the rectum which can make it easier to get infections including STIs and HIV.  
• It can take some time to get all the water out when you douche, so try to make sure you douche some time before having sex.  
• For further information on how to douche, visit these links here:  
  • A Beginners Guide to Douching
  • How To Clean Yourself

Some Trans men can experience gender dysphoria when it comes to sex.  

Some of this comes from an internal discomfort of certain body parts, but it can also come from the way society treats trans people. It’s important not to assume trans people will want one thing or another in bed- everyone is different. Trans men can be tops, bottoms, vers, side, etc. 

Dysphoria can make sex more complicated. Some ideas to build confidence around sex include:

• Talking to your partners to find out what they like and dislike, and sharing your own preferences. 
• Experimenting with different toys, positions, or kinks to find out whar feels good.  
• Exploring sex toys that are made specifically for trans men to enhance the experience and help you feel comfortable during sex.  
• Testosterone can change your anatomy and your sex drive. If you’re on T, there might be some adjustments you make to continue having pleasurable sex, such as using more lube if you find your front hole to be more dry, or using stroker toys made for trans men’s lower growth.  

It’s is always important for other people to respect your boundaries during sex, and for you to do the same.  

• You can try communicating these beforehand, such as what language you’d like partners to use for your genitals, or where you like and don’t like to be touched.  
• Being on the same page about what you’re looking for during sex can help things go more smoothly in the moment.  

If you’re having vaginal/ front hole sex, it is important to note that Testosterone itself is not birth control, so if you’re having sex with someone with a penis, you should look into what form of contraception works best for you to prevent pregnancy. 

The best way to achieve a great orgasm is by learning what you and your partner/s like and exploring all parts of each other’s bodies. However, try not to put too much pressure on reaching an orgasm for either yourself or your partner/s, it is not the ‘be all and end all,’ of having sex. Sometimes the circumstances just aren’t right for example, you might be tired, nervous, distracted etc. and it doesn’t mean you are bad at sex. It can still be an enjoyable and pleasurable experience with or without an orgasm.  

Anal sex can be a little sore for the person receiving. Even for more experienced men, a little discomfort is normal but it shouldn’t be extremely painful. If it is, that is a sign that you might be tearing the lining of the anus. It is important to take your time when having anal sex and not to rush things.

It is common for men to have feelings of anxiety around sex. Feelings of pressure to perform a particular way, feeling inadequate compared to others, having low self-worth or having body concerns can affect your ability to meet gay men or fully enjoy you sexual experience. Trying to overcome anxiety requires many approaches that addresses the under lying cause of your anxiety. Some strategies that can help could include:  

• Education: understanding your body and sexual health can help to alleviate fears and anxieties by helping you feel more in control.  

• Communication: Communicating with you partner/s about your anxieties, feelings, expectations and boundaries, can help to build trust and lower anxiety.  

• Redefining your definition of sex and intimacy:  You don’t need to have sex to feel intimate with someone. Sex doesn’t just have to be physical, and it doesn’t always have to include penetration. It is about experiencing pleasure and building a connection, which can look different for everyone. 

• Build a support system: Connecting with similar people who understand your experiences can help build community and reduce feelings of lowliness or isolation.  

• Create a safe space: Ensuring that you feel safe and comfortable in your environment when you have sex can alleviate feelings of uncertainty or anxiety.  

• Seek support: If you would like further information or support on this area you can get in contacts with us through this link – Or, you can contact us for advice and support.